Tag Archives: Soul

Baking With Bourbon

Standard

In the past one-and-a-half years, I’ve lived in three different houses. Had three different addresses.

It’s been a long season of fluid and stressful change.

If this sounds like a coexistence of contradictions, it is. It has been the trail of a pinball ricocheting through channels of opposition.

But now it’s Christmas departing and a new year is preparing to be ushered in.

Tonight Hub and I had chocolate biscotti with a dollop of cappuccino-chocolate- swirl almond-milk ice cream, separately drizzled with a spoonful of dark rum. Yum. The healing power of mocha.

We’re celebrating our own version of the twelve days of yuletide. Tomorrow I’ll be baking sweet potato cranberry muffins with a shot of bourbon in the batter. Life doesn’t get much better than baking with bourbon. I learned that while living in the South. Specifically, in the hollers of Appalachia, from whence I’ve carried this secret ingredient for decades like a concealed weapon.

On the actual day of the New Year, we’ll share a Southwestern favorite: chicken enchiladas with some black beans tossed in for good fortune.

No eggnog, but I may have a mug of steaming chai. My recipe, made without tea – not black or green. And, by golly, it’s dairy-free and delicious. Sweetened with a deep note of dark maple syrup and perhaps a whisper of dark rum – just a special grace note for the holiday.

We deserve it. That’s how we see it.

Life has been chaotic and quixotic. We’ve endured the tumbles. We’ve come out the other end with tales to tell and some minor scars as proof. Basically, we’re just grateful to be standing still a spell and breathing in the unusual warmth of December air.

Thinking back over the past year, my favorite event was the solar eclipse. I spent the moment sitting by the pond in our new backyard, with my back to the sun and eyes fixated on the cinderblock wall ahead of me.

As the shadow shifted, my chattering mind slowed to a murmur. Then .  .  . silence. No thoughts. Just as there were no bird notes on the breeze. No breeze even. No airplanes overhead. No traffic humming in the distance. No dogs barking. No children laughing.

It was the silencing of my entire world. And I continue to cherish this sacred twinkling of emptiness.

Why? Because all fretting ceased. It was simply irrelevant. And existence just was what it always is beneath the flurry of humanity’s fears: Free.

And I, being a loner by nature, connect with empty spacious skies like a Velcro dot seeking its opposite and equal mate.

This is why we sold the retirement condo and chose not to move to the East Coast. Chose not to live next to the hazel waves of the Atlantic Ocean.

We circled around a few times, but ultimately returned to the arid highlands. This time to the city life. To the balance of civilization and surrounding nothingness, with blue skies and cauliflower clouds hovering above the brown earth.

It fits my soul.

My mocha soul of introspection. Like the secret of bourbon in my back pocket.Bikers, Cowboys & Outlaws @ The Hollar, Madrid, NM.jpg

Marooned Trucks

Standard

Pickup Truck - New Mexico

One of my favorite personalities of New Mexico is desolation.

 

I tingle at its tableaux, especially pickup trucks parked randomly – slantwise on farm roads overgrown with buffalo grass. Parked on dust ravaged, ghostly earth. Earth that crawls continually toward the gaunt hills of a frontier desert, across a basin bottom that fillets before them, across those boundless flounder-flat plains.

 

This is also a portrait of my heart, I realize – a montage of rusty and hollowing. A still life of my red-clay heart sinking into fields of somber silt. Left behind by the thoughtlessness of time.

What attracts me to inertia is its potential. The power, love and wisdom that can flow through once the current is turned on.

I love the stillness of potential:

The hour just before dawn

The heart just before it loves

The marooned truck just before its engine ignites

The moments after death before the soul transitions

It’s all so scintillating.

Prairie Schooner Cartoonery by jayni

I look at my heart like a crazy cartoon outlined in black and I color it with ridiculously intense colors, trying to resuscitate it. Inflate it. Give it a second birth. Just as I do with marooned trucks that I adopt roadside.

 

Sometimes my heart feels like a sordid red satin curtsying cowgirl at the close of the fair. Waiting for her night shift to end. For night to run away, chased on its heels by dawn’s bloody fingertips.

 

I both fear and crave abandonment. I’m afraid of being totally unloved, yet, I want the world to leave me alone – to cast me into a field of decaying carnival rides. I want the corpse of the barker to kiss me goodnight on the boardwalk at midnight.

I’m a Jersey girl by birth, and, that birthmark can erupt like a wounded tattoo and go bankrupt without warning. I need my hood-love sometimes to tether my bilingual life to a knot in sea-beaten, sun-bleached wood.

 

It’s a moment after twilight and I’m angry.

The anger is born from me not knowing how to operate the instrument panel of my vehicle. The owner’s manual burned when my father died and no one has edited a new reference book.

 

I sense that if I have the keys and can read the dials and shift the gears, that I can save myself. That I can drive my forlorn prairie schooner out of the desert’s talcum powder dust, and into the merger of life’s crossroads.

 

In the quest for meaning, I know that many walks, or drives, through the lion’s den are required.

 

But right now, I’m still angry. Or, I’m angrier still because my dearest friend died last autumn. The last of the true friends.

 

Now I only face faux friends who charge me an exchange rate for likes and favorites and follows and comments and hashtags and stats that exceed the galaxy.

 

I hate bartering for friendship, for love.

 

I hate haggling in the brothel of Wall Street relationships, waiting for the bell to ring; waiting for the net to connect; waiting for inane conversation to begin only to bring shine to the ego of another and shadow to the heart of my vacant vehicle – dying little by little.

 

Yeah. I’ve been on the road all my life . . . out there running just to be on the run.

 

I need a little off-roading time for quiet, detailed contemplation.

 

I need to bury my burdens like a velveteen rabbit and learn to drive my own vehicle of soul back to the original destination from which I departed eons ago.

 

I’m just a traveling soul stripped of her colors. Trying to paint over my anger and reupholster my spirit. And rejoin my tribe.  Pickup Truck - Rusted Trio

 

The Grind

Standard

Mocha Muse has its very own newspaper, The Grind. It may contain a quote, a poem, song lyrics, snippets of overheard conversation or fascinating facts about creativity/life. So, leather sofa in Home Interiorsnuggle into the sofa, unfold the paper and reach for your morning cup of coffee.

 

 

 

Here’s the sixteenth issue. . . just click on newspaper to enlarge, then continue to click until text is readable for you!

 

The Grind - (7-20-2015) Make Space For Creativity

 

*References: Light and Sound Teachings & UberFacts